She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
