every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
