you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
