She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
