allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
