yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
