She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
