You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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