Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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