Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
