i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
