I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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