I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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