so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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