My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
