Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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