so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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