I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
