I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
