Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
