im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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