he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
