i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
