Is it normal to miss your booty call?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
