we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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