We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
