I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
