Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize