please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
