The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
