I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize