I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
