Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
