So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
