Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
