i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she looked like the before picture.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
