I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
