so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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