Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
