We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
