So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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