she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
