Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
