around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
