I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
