I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
