I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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