You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
