Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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