If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
