turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize