who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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