Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
