I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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