Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize