You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
