I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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