my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
