Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
