The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
