I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
is it fun? or sober?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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