Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
false alarm, still single
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
