you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
