He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
