I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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