I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
