When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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