btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
