you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
