At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When did angry sex become our thing?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
