Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize