Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
