fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize