when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
