Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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