I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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