My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
