She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
