matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
