Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize