My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
