I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
