dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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