I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
